I got a gut punch last week. You may recall that about a month ago, I injured my knee and I was waiting until after the Creative Problem Solving Institute (CPSI) for my MRI to get a firm diagnosis. I was moving around fine, not in pain, and super optimistic that I was in a best case scenario situation — just a bruise or partial ligament tear, and a bit of rest would heal me right up. Turns out, I am in a worst case scenario situation.
Not only did I tear my meniscus, I have a full ACL tear (right knee), and I have a hairline fracture in my tibia and damage to my patella, as well as a hematoma in my knee; basically, I kicked my own ass. If I don’t mind not being physically active, I can live with it. But I do mind that, so that means surgery. I had ACL repair (left knee) in the 90s, so I know exactly what I am in for and it is not a walk in the park, pun intended.
For the first two days after this diagnosis, it was really hard for me to not start crying whenever anyone asked, “How are you?” But now, I can’t stop with the Creative Problem Solving. I think to myself, “What is different now?” The answers:
- Now I am in a supportive marriage, not an abusive one.
- Now, I have a great job with supportive leadership and a hard-working and supportive team; before I had to stop working and was fully financially dependent on above-mentioned abusive husband.
- Now, I live in Boston, which alternates between #1 and #2 in national and international medical care rankings.
- Now, I have an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon who does thousands of ACL repairs for professional soccer players and college athletes.
What I know about myself from my last ACL injury in the 90s is that even with so much against me, I worked hard in physical therapy and beat my projected recovery timeline by 90 days, and my entire competitive masters rowing career happened after my knee healed — that career included finishing the Women’s 8 in the Head of the Charles in 2009 and a silver medal in the Head of the Schuylkill in the Women’s 4 that same year.
Then I ask myself, “What is the opportunity in this challenge?” My opportunities are to find other ways to emotionally regulate without my typical levels of cardio exercise; to better regulate my diet without the help of my typical calorie burning exercise; and to maintain my current level of strength with different activities that are safe for my knee.
Other opportunities include asking for more help from others, moving more slowly, and giving myself more grace.
One of my favorite inspirational speeches is by Kara Lawson, Duke Women’s Basketball Coach — “Handle Hard Better.” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDzfZOfNki4) Basically, “easier” never happens; we just handle hard, better. It’s worth the watch.
So, yeah, things are still going to happen that suck. But we can choose to get better and stronger, and more creative every time. Let’s keep leveling up, Friends.