I was 27 and, I felt like a failure. I was working as a nanny in Hartford, CT, without a degree. College? I’d failed out twice. I’d neatly filed away the idea that higher education wasn’t for me, settling into what felt like a comfortable—but limited—rut.
Then, the family I worked for mentioned the Individualized Degree Program (IDP) at Trinity College. The application landed on my desk, and there it sat. For months. A symbol of the fear I had of failing one more time—a powerful mental block preventing me from finding a solution to my stagnant career path.
Activating the Creative Muscle
The pivot didn’t come from a textbook; it came from an artist’s loft. I saw an ad for a multi-week workshop based on Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. I was never one for “self-help,” but something nudged me to sign up.
This workshop was my introduction to deliberate creativity. It required daily practice, including the famed “Morning Pages”—three pages of longhand, stream-of-consciousness writing, meant to clear the mind of noise and silence the “Censor” (Cameron, The Artist’s Way). This practice was the initial creative catalyst, starting the engine needed for later Creative Problem Solving (CPS) – though I didn’t have the language for this process yet.
In our weekly meetings, we’d have in-class assignments. Every time, I’d choose the smallest possible project: decorating a little postcard, sculpting a tiny clay figure. I was operating under the Constraint of Safety, approaching a big life problem (my future) with the smallest, most unchallenging solutions.
Overcoming the “Small Idea” Bias
Then came the moment everything changed.
During one session, I was gathering my usual small scraps. The instructor came over, looked at my tiny pile, and gently, but firmly, said: “No. I want you to do something big.”
She walked over to a huge roll of butcher block paper, unfurled a ten-foot strip, and tacked it up to the wall. “Fill this,” she commanded.
This moment forced me out of my comfort zone and demanded Divergent Thinking—the ability to generate novel and varied ideas, a core stage of CPS. The act of staring at that massive, blank canvas, terrified of the effort that could truly fail, was the climax of the internal struggle. But, I realized, it’s just paper and supplies. This low stakes invitation to think big started carving new neural pathways for me. I stepped into ambiguity without worrying about the outcome. (This kind of low stakes practice at navigating ambiguity with courage can be called upon later in high stakes situations.)
I accepted the invitation. I gathered foil, fabric, paint, and glitter, and began creating a massive, shimmering underwater seascape. I got into flow, a psychological state where I was fully immersed and energized by the process. The act of making something big instantly broke the mental block that years of playing small had created.
The Cascading Breakthroughs
The successful application of this deliberate creative act—accepting the challenge and completing the large piece—gave me evidence of my capacity for vision and sustained effort. This was the Personal Breakthrough: a fundamental shift in my self-efficacy and identity.
The result? The Action followed the confidence. I went home, filled out the Trinity application, and submitted it.
Trinity accepted me. My eventual success demonstrated the compounding power of creative confidence translated into academic achievement:
- Academic Excellence: I graduated with my BA in Women’s Studies, 12th in my class with a 3.82 GPA, earning five academic awards. My ability to synthesize complex ideas—a hallmark of creative thinking—was highly rewarded.
- Professional Launch: Before I even walked the stage, I was offered a graduate fellowship and asked to assist with grant writing. This recognition of my proven writing skills (a product of The Artist’s Way and subsequent academic success) provided an immediate, high-level Professional Breakthrough.
- Career Trajectory: I was hired to teach English 101 for ten years at Trinity, ultimately sharing the very skills (writing, critical thinking, creative expression) that enabled my initial transformation. At the same time, I launched my nonprofit career by writing grants and collateral pieces that resulted in funds from Kellogg’s for the Learning Corridor, and funding for the Koeppel Ice Skating Rink.
Your Takeaway
What blank wall are you staring at? What “postcard” are you settling for when you’re capable of a ten-foot mural?
Your story is a perfect example that motivation is not the starting point; it’s the result of action. When you deliberately activate your creativity, take a chance to be vulnerable, and accept the invitation to go big, you don’t just solve a single problem—you can change your entire life trajectory.
Reference: Cameron, Julia. The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity. TarcherPerigee, 1992.